Love
By the time he swears you're his
Shivering and sighing
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying
Lady, make a note of this,
One of you is lying.[74]
Our relationships sustain us and all the things I have talked about drive us to relate to others. We share with all other animals the desire to do those things that will lead to having children and carrying on the species.
Economically and physically it is easier to live with someone with whom we can share responsibilities and experiences, who has similar or complimentary interests, who we can trust with our secrets and can rely on if things go wrong.
When we meet someone who seems to have the potential to be our ideal partner; who attracts us sexually and seems equally attracted to us, who is fun, who has ideas, interests, knowledge, abilities, aspirations, a family, social group, job or other things we find attractive; we fall in love.
Sometimes this lasts; but often we find that we were mistaken about the person for some reason. Most of us have trouble finding someone who truly meets all our needs. Because we can easily be mistaken (on both sides) it is wise to test relationships by progressively sharing experiences and intimacies to see if you both are still attracted.
I have some experience in this area and could make this the sole subject of this essay, so I am just going to list a few important observations:
- If your chosen potential partner has any defect you can't live with (even if balanced by good things) don't try to change them; walk away immediately.
- If you have to keep any significant secret from a partner the relationship will not work.
- Having a good relationship is not proof that you are a success in life or a bad one that you are a failure. Don't be proud: pride rides before a fall.
- Never hang on in a relationship until you hate or despise your partner.
- You can love more than one person in your life.
- 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all[75].
